We Are All Cowards

In the end, there will be no heroes. Only cowards. It’s only human so the sooner we accept that the sooner we can get to dying.

Kind of crude? Perhaps but reality is nothing like the movies. Sure, we all like to think that we will miraculously rise to the occasion and be that hero we long to emulate from the silver screens; but, like many horror and drama flicks, even the heroes have to die.

Get a grip. You’ll never be that hero so stop thinking about it and face the reality that you’ll never be a hero, only a coward.

Always.

I wonders if writers-for both screen and paper-ever wrote themselves into their stories allowing themselves to either be the good guy or the bad guy; the hero or the villain. But I can’t think of any writer off the top of my head who would write themselves as cowards. That would be just too close to the truth, don’t you think?

I for one am a writer and many times I do write myself in stories mostly as the main protagonist who usually ends up becoming a heroine/hero of some sorts. You see I try to find something within the main character, myself, that could be of some value to others, and of course in the hope of being able to save those who I cared about.

C’mon, let’s get real. Could I really stand in the face of mortal danger and risk my life for others? Honestly, I’d probably would break out in sweat and soil myself, and then I’d run.

Unlike my characters, I am a coward through and through. There is no hope for me.

Yes, I’m belittling myself but it’s the honest truth!

I am not a soldier. I am not a police officer. I am not a doctor. I am not a firefighter. I don’t put my life on the line day in and day out for the betterment of society. It was my choice NOT to. Well, perhaps that’s not the whole truth.

I wanted to remained hidden but noticed at the same time. I want to add value to others rather than be a burden.

But…

I’m a person with not just one disability but two. For these reasons, I feel like I am less than a whole human being. Inferior to those who are able-bodied.

For these reasons, I feel like a coward and not a hero. I will always be that one to slow others down, or the first to be killed.

And that scares me beyond anything. No, not of death…but to be cause of death of countless of others who come in contact with me.

Instead of coming to people’s rescue, or helping the wounded or the afflicted, I choose to turn away and flee. Not for my benefit but for theirs.

I fear that my disabilities would hurt others more than it would help them. I much rather sacrifice myself so that they would have the time and opportunity to get to safety. To save themselves. To live.

Does that make me a coward?

So be it.

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3 thoughts on “We Are All Cowards

  1. I think we all *think* we are cowards, but when push comes to shove (and especially when it involves our loved ones) I think we can all be heroes. Of course I imagine myself to be a badass heroine, dressed like some cool Vampiric Goddess, but truth is I watch American Horror Story and have to turn on the light to pee at night. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I think we are all cowards, but we are also all heroes. Think about it… how many mothers have you read about and even known who laid their lives on the line to bring their child into the world?

    I, personally, laid in a hospital for three and half weeks with pre-eclampsia, resisting the doctor’s push for me to deliver my son what would have been almost nine weeks early. I was terrified for so many reasons. I was in full blown eclampsia the last five days and still refused to deliver as long as my son’s vitals were still good. I knew it was damaging my heart. I knew I could die delivering him. I was determined to give him that time – he was still five and half weeks early. Another reason I was terrified was my family history of von Willebrand disease; knowing it often went undetected until a catastrophic injury, I knew I could bleed out the moment they cut me open for the c-section. I remembered that distant cousin died on the delivery table (revived through heroic effort by the delivery room staff) because of blood loss from the episiotomy. My own gran died in the ER (also revived) from blood loss from a stab wound in her arm.

    I, personally, also was the beneficiary of a very heroic young guy’s rescue of me. In junior high school, I was dragged into the boys’ locker room and almost raped. I was saved by an upperclassman who threw himself into the breech and fought thirteen guys until more help arrived.

    Another case: My mother was making a turn, with my youngest sister in the car (then around seven or eight years old), when her car was T-boned. The driver of the other car, bleeding, with broken fingers, leapt from his vehicle and snatched my little sister out the open window of the car where he’d hit it just a breath before three cars piled up behind his. My mom ended up with a broken back and injured neck, but my sister would never have survived without that man’s heroic action.

    More proof: Think about the natural disaster wherever they happen in the world. Every disaster is a tragedy. But, every disaster is also the story of heroes… of every helping hand. Heroes rise up all around is in the middle of disaster and tragedy. There’s an old saying: God isn’t in the disaster – He is in the response.

    As for illness and disability… well, as someone with numerous disabilities myself, I know the effort – the sheer force of will – it takes to get up and get about the business of living. I also know that there are myriad opportunities and ways to be a hero every single day that have nothing to do with catastrophe or sudden danger. Every mom or dad who makes him/herself the advocate for her kids is a hero. Every teacher who dedicates his/her life to educating minds is a hero. Every mom or dad who drags him/herself to a soul-killing job to provide for their family, to give their kids a chance at something better is a hero.

    Yes, we’re all cowardly at times. But, I truly believe that most of us are heroes every single day in ways we don’t even recognize at time. We all feel small and afraid. But, the evidence that we are by nature heroic is everywhere and in everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

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