A Writer’s Vulnerable Heart (Part One)

     “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  –Brene Brown
    “I can’t write to please everyone, but someone, somewhere will be touched if I put my heart into it.”-Sara Winters
    “Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”-William Wordsworth
crying eye
My mind is full of rich and varied images.  Layers of story lines twist and turn with one another; sometimes overlapping, other times becoming as one.  Faces of characters float before my eyes with expressions of pain, joy, and anger.  They’re all there.  In my head.
    Yet, when I write them down on paper (or through the keyboard), the emotions are well, flat.  Stale.  Lifeless.
    I even had a few editors, two especially, who’d read different short stories and both came to the same conclusion:  my characters lacked emotions.
    Really? 
    Funny, when I “act” out various scenes in my head, the strong emotions would rush to the surface, and occasionally, I’d find myself crying, or laughing.   But, why can’t I make these same emotions flow through my characters?
    What’s wrong with my characters?
    What’s wrong with me?
    All my life I have suppressed my emotions.  Especially the tears.  For me, they were signs of weakness.   Heck, I even have difficulties with intimacy in my marriage because it requires me to be vulnerable.
    Vulnerability=weakness.
    I crave connection with people; yet I shy away from them.
    Fear.  Of. What???
    One of my biggest fears is ending up alone.  And that’s exactly where my current path is leading me.
    Sad, huh?
    No, its pathetic!
    Bottom line, I know if I don’t resolve these issues on a personal level, as a writer I will never truly reach people.  Touch them.   Because in order to do that, I need to expose my inner soul, my wounded heart; I need to show my vulnerabilities through the characters, reveal them all to the world; only then, will I be able to touch readers with words.
    If only…
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4 thoughts on “A Writer’s Vulnerable Heart (Part One)

  1. I have been thinking about what your post today. Mostly because I can relate much of what you are saying. I’m sort of the opposite. I express too much emotion and vulnerability. At least that’s what some say about my stories. Other really like them. I’ve learned that we can’t please everyone.

    The part of the fear of being alone. Here I am, a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, but still has the same feeling, and somewhat fear, of being alone. I used to be really afraid of being alone in my life. I came to a place of acceptance within me. I won’t go into detail since I don’t want it to sound like I’m advising you in any way.

    My point is that, we can be emotionally open, or emotionally closed. We are not perfect. Many times it is that special quirk that is within us that makes us special in what we express. Some people are going to enjoy what we write, no matter how we write and others are simply not going to like it, mostly because it doesn’t fit the mold . I’ve noticed many formulas for writers. Such as “When to kill a character.” charts. I laugh when I see such things. It is my story. I will kill everyone in the story if I feel like it. 🙂

    I had experimented by creating a blog and writing in many different styles and attitudes. Different people liked different things I wrote. It created a large variety of people to come to different posts. I recently closed the blog being that it was simply an experiment and for writing practice.

    I wish you the best in finding what you are looking for through your writing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Honesty can be a difficult thing, particularly when characters jump out of your head and demand to be written in. A character can be your proxy, but one that takes on its own life after a while.

    Liked by 1 person

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