Self-Doubt and Your Dreams (My Story by guest blogger Lorna Faith)

*Hello my fellow readers!  I have an awesome treat for you today!  I have a very special guest who will share with you her story of how she struggled and overcame self-doubt to achieve her creative dreams: Lorna Faith.

 

I grew up the youngest of 11 children in a family that homesteaded a little more than a section of land in Northern British Columbia, Canada.

Our family started out on that farm living in a two-room house, with curtains between the rooms. We dubbed that house ‘the white house’ because we had painted it white on the outside 😉

We lived a very simple life. Dad saved every penny so he could buy more cattle, seeds and machinery that would expand the farming operation.

We grew up telling stories around the supper table and before bed almost every night.

My friends were mostly my family and my animal friends. I would tell stories as I rode the horse and as I gathered the cows from the pasture for milking just before supper time every day.

My dad and six brothers chopped down trees in order to clear more land to grow more crops. Each year we would clear more land, pick more rocks and roots and plant more seed for harvest. In those first years, we would stook the hay until we could afford a baler to pull behind the tractor.

We lived off the land. My mom grew a large garden and we butchered our animals for meat in the winter. Each fall, we would butcher pigs, a couple of cows and a few chickens with close friends of my parents so we would all have meat for winter.

When I was given free time, I would play with my friend Skippy who lived 3 miles down the road from us. She and I had a lot of fun dancing to Beatles records at her house, and riding the calves when she came to visit our farm.

My brothers made their own go-carts with dad’s help and we would drive them around the yard. I really wanted to learn to ride the motorbike, but my older brother and sister told me I first needed to learn to milk the cow before they would teach me. So I learned to milk the cow at six years of age, and by the next day was learning how ride the motorbike before my feet could touch the ground.

We built tree forts in the large populars around our yard, and made our own stilts to walk in across the yard.

I would often have the most fun riding the horses or just sitting with them out in the pasture. I remember often resting beside one of the horses in the pasture, it was a safe and soothing place to be. I did it so often that my mare would nudge me to sit on her back or lay down beside her, like I was one of her ‘offspring.’

It was fun to grow up on a farm. We learned to work as hard as we played together as a family.

Although there was a lot of fun, my dad was a strict disciplinarian. And when he would get really angry, he would just throw stuff at us… whatever was handy at the time.

So as a little girl, I lived in a lot of fear as to what would happen next and whether the next mistake I made would mean a black and blue bottom. Because of many days spent in fear, I also wet the bed every night until I was twelve years old.

My mom would soothe my fears and encourage me in my creativity, which really helped. She encouraged me to play the piano and sing from early on… and later encouraged me to write.

Mom believed in me. When I was ten years old, she gave me a necklace with a tiny mustard seed in a glass box that hung on the end of the gold chain, and told me “Lorna Faith, you are going to encourage many people throughout your life.”

Her belief in me helped get me through many difficult days.

For example, in elementary school I had a tough time learning to write. I had a teacher who told me my writing was like chicken scratchings. Being a farm girl, I knew what that meant. The worst part was, I believed him and I was devastated.

I didn’t write stories again for over twenty years; not until I began homeschooling my own four children how to write their stories.

Learning to write has definitely been on-the-job training. I didn’t have any formal training, but it has been a lifelong passion.

It wasn’t until the dream to write stories was sparked – as I taught my kids how to tell stories – that I tried to write again. I resisted for weeks because of fear, but the dream only grew bigger.

So, I began to write. I scribbled down small stories with a pen and a small notebook for a few years before I got serious about it.

From the first words I put on the page until I finished the last sentence of my first novel, every single day I struggled to get the story on the page. Sure some days were easier than others, but every time I saw the blank page looming in front of me, I was consumed with intimidation and fear of failure.

Fear of rejection showed up in my writing days resulting in perfectionism and procrastination that slowed me down.

Self-doubt became my constant companion and brought questions like: What if I really am a bad writer and end up failing? What if no one wants to read my books?

Insecurity mocked me, resulting in more self-doubt.

I didn’t realize there was a truth I was struggling to accept. That inside, I was already a writer.

I didn’t understand that before I could really find my voice as a writer, I needed to own that identity. Activity would follow.

My aha moment came when I read Jeff Goin’s book, You are a Writer and these words were highlighted to me: Don’t wait for someone to pick you. Pick yourself.

I finally realized that all those years of struggle, I had been waiting for permission. Somewhere deep inside, those negative voices had expanded into something bigger. I had been waiting for that unknown someone to pick me and confirm that I was a writer.

Pick Yourself.  I let those words sink in. I didn’t need a big publishing house contract, literary agent or editor to confirm what I already knew.

I am a writer.

Since that defining moment, I’ve chosen to own that identity. I’ve started to come out of my self-imposed cave of fear, and have decided to choose myself.

So if you’ve been struggling with fear of failure or self-doubt, I hope you will also give yourself the freedom to own your identity.

Be brave. Take a risk. Step toward your dream.

It’s time for you to choose yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

Lorna Faith pic

 

 

 

 

 

Lorna Faith has fun writing historical romances, and has her eye on writing some contemporary romance in the near future. Recently she released Book #2 in her historical romantic suspense series called, Anchoring Annaveta and is hard at work writing a new stand-alone novel in the Western Historical Romance genre set in the early 1900s around Calgary, Alberta. Lorna also loves to reach out to struggling and first-time writers. She has published a writing book called Write and Publish Your First Book and now has an online course by the same name. You can find out more about what she’s up to by going to http://www.lornafaith.com. Lorna would also love to chat with you on Facebook or Twitter.

 

 

lorna faith book

Click on this image to purchase the book

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12 thoughts on “Self-Doubt and Your Dreams (My Story by guest blogger Lorna Faith)

  1. Pingback: Self-Doubt and Your Dreams (My Story by guest blogger Lorna Faith) — A writer & her adolescent muse | Kade Cook – Author/Writer

  2. Becs Miller tried to comment on your post but couldn’t for some reason. So, here’s what she had to say:
    ” I tried to comment by couldn’t for some reason. Parts of Lorna’s story so resonated with me as I also grew up on a farm, in England, and I struggled massively with reading as a child – now I love it too.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry you couldn’t comment Becs. Thanks for putting the message here Carrie. Becs I’m happy that the story resonated with you. It’s tough when you struggle as a child in reading or writing… but I’m so happy that you love reading now! Thanks for sharing your story too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, I too have struggled with self-doubt and insecurities. My mother was a horror writer, though she’d gotten close to being published it never quite worked out for her. I think now I keep waiting for someone to say I’m good enough to follow in her footsteps, that what I’m doing isn’t foolish. Your story has helped me so much. You’re right. We need to pick ourselves instead of waiting for someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad my story resonated with you authormistyh 🙂 It’s difficult to write when we’re plagued with self-doubt and insecurity. Sorry it never worked out for your mother to be published.
      I want to encourage you to keep writing. What you’re doing isn’t foolish. It’s brave. You’re sharing a piece of yourself with the world. That’s an amazing gift! Don’t wait for anyone else’s permission to write or publish your book. Just pick yourself. There are people out their waiting to read your story written with your unique voice 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Have another one that couldn’t post her comment here.

    Denise Dianaty: ” A great grandmother gave me a Christmas holly broach – of green enamel and red cut glass stones – with a mustard seed pendant hanging from it with a scriptural lesson about Faith and hope. She said that unassuming little seed made a huge space for itself in our food and our philosophies. I wish I could remember more of her little lessons – she made everything in the kitchen philosophical and a teachable moment. She passed when I was young, but, sometimes, her words come back to me and silences the doubt and disparaging cacophony I heard everywhere else.

    And I can almost feel the warmth of her and smell her – she always smelled of butter and cinnamon…”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Denise! What a pretty and meaningful gift you received from your great grandmother. A mustard seed is meaningful and is a great way to teach scriptural lessons of faith and hope. I love how she said that the ‘unassuming little seed mad e a huge space for itself in our food and our philosophies.’… I love that. It’s so true.
      Sorry you lost your great grandmother at a young age, but that’s wonderful that you have her lessons and your memories when doubt or discouragement start to pester you.
      And the smell of butter and cinnamon… love that memory. Reminds me of my own mom. Thanks for sharing your story 😉

      Like

      • Denise Dianaty: “Lorna, I truly believe Grandma Mary’s (my great grandmother) lessons of compassion and hope, of God’s love and Grace is what kept me hoping through even the blackest times of my childhood and adolescence. Thank you for helping me recall her beautiful, guiding soul again…”

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Isn’t it wonderful Denise, how grandmothers help us to navigate through life? I am amazed and inspired by your Grandma Mary’s constant lessons she taught you of compassion, hope, love and grace… and often what we’ve learned from the wisdom of our grandmothers or mothers is what gets us through many dark days. Grateful for their wisdom 🙂

    Like

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