*Note: Am participating in the #Write28Days (February) hosted by Anita Ojeda. Click here if you would like to participate.
Just celebrated a birthday last month. My 48th one. I’m finding it difficult to believe that I am almost the big 5-0 when most of the time my mind thinks I’m still in my 20’s.
Where on earth did the time go?
I can clearly remember my parents saying the same thing to me when they were in their 40’s. The sad reality is, my father’s no longer with us. He passed away in 2014. He was only 67.
In my eyes, he was the true steward of God using his carpentry skills (he was so gifted with his hands especially in woodworking, crafting beautiful things) and his time for the church. Those who knew my father always commented on how cheerful he was, all smiles and loved to whistle tunes from the 60’s as he worked.
Now, I’m looking at myself and wondering, what will people remember about me when I am gone from this earth? How have I used my talent/gift and time to reach others?
After a lifetime with disabilities (hearing and vision loss), I still struggle with my self-worth and whether my writing has any value (especially when most of what I write, both poetry and fiction, tend to be dark). It doesn’t help either when my husband and son think of my writing as just a “hobby” or “fantasy writing.” And it also doesn’t help when my husband have discouraged me from ever publishing books since I am on disability benefits (there are other factors for his paranoia other than this one reason) when I have many, many stories and poetry within that I wish to share with the world. So, I have resorted to having my short fiction and poetry published in non-paying zines a few times each year with the remaining items posted on this blog.
Is this me experiencing the dreaded “mid-life crisis?” Is this me being vain as I worried if all that I’ve written will be lost forever once I am no longer here? How will people remember me? Just a woman who is so and so wife and mother?
I have been given this gift (writing) for a reason, and I don’t want to squander it. So, no matter what, I will continue to write what’s on my heart and mind through whatever means I can find in the hope of reaching those who need reaching.