In about four days I will be heading in to the city to spend a week at the School for the Blind. It’s been two years since I was last there (or was it three?). I figured it was high time to had back for additional training and support.
I’m sitting here, staring at the screen, and it sort of dawned on me that it’s been 27 years since the diagnosis that completely changed my life. I’ve spent so many years angry at myself, angry at the world, feeling sorry for myself instead of fighting back and pursuing my dreams inspite of this disease.
Regrets. Pain. Losses.
They have controlled my life for far too long.
I’m tired of my allowing this to dictate my every action (or inaction rather). I’m tired of feeling like a shut-in cut off from being able to get out there and interact with the world (instead of doing it all via internet even though that’s been really helpful).
The worst part about the past 27 years?
I allowed myself to just give up on everything.
It has taken me this long to come to this point of now wanting to get back out there, and even pursuing a few of the dreams I’d let go.
But, is it too late?
I’m not sure. What I am sure about is that sitting around at the house all day long will not get me anywhere.
So, here I go, trying to make the most of what I have left, and to see if I can finally get somewhere with my life.
At the moment, I feel like I’m trying to run up a steep hill, unsure if I’ll be able to gain any kind of momentum. Will I reach the top, or will I run out of steam and have to turn back?
I am so full of fears and doubts about myself and my abilities. Yet, I know that life is precious, and time’s growing shorter by the day, I can’t allow myself to give up.
I want to be someone that my son would be proud of. Someone I will no longer be ashamed of.
Sunday is the day I will head for the School. I hope to be able to update you all on what goes on during my week while there.
Fingers crossed on all accounts…