Category Archives: A to Z Blog Challenge
You’re My Miracle #Poetry
*Author Note: If my husband could tell his story within the framework of a poem, this might be it. Everything you read is true.
Childhood, innocence
Taken by my father’s fists
Who snatched me away from Momma
Hopping state to state – slumming in trailer parks
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Echoed the themes of my whole life
Daddy didn’t care,
Momma, nonexistent
Step mom, drug user
Not one who gave a damn
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Then I met you on the college green,
You were that life-line I held on to
But those words refused to let me go–
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Don’t even bother – you’re unworthy
I believed them, oh I believed
Never telling you how I truly felt
Letting you go – my greatest regret
As I watched you walk away
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Continents and wars separated
Us until one day I learned
Someone’s stolen your heart
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Without a care in the world High Risk became my game
No one would even know if
I’d died in some god-forsaken desert
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Son of bitch, I survived
Like a cockroach I kept returning
Unwillingly, oh so what was the point?
They kept chanting–
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Time blurred – broken dreams, heartaches
My constant reality as I wandered
The wasted land called Life
Perhaps there were some truth to the words–
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
One day, out of the blue
An email by you asking–
“Do you still remember me?”
Battles I’ve fought but never one as great
as on that day when in my heart
I truly wanted to hope —
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Life was just as cruel to you
With your own battles
Losing your love, your sight
Do I remember you?
Oh, yes…
No one wants you, they say
You’re nothing but a loser
Slowly fading, fading till only a whisper
Twenty years have since passed
I still hold you in my arms and
You hold my heart
You accepted me as I am
You loved me inspite of my
Brokenness
You saved a boy no one wanted
And instead of a loser
You made me the man I am today
You are my miracle
X Marks the Spot
Nearing the end of April, I find myself reading over the poems I’ve written for both NaPoWriMo and A to Z Challenge, and it kind of struck me how dark some of them sounded.
This must be me in some kind of funk (aka depression). The poem, Lonely, kind of nailed it on the head –
I sit at the window
And watch
As the world
Leaves me
Behind
This is exactly how I feel. Long story short, my hubby works long hours and travels out of state much of the time, and a son who’s busy with high school, sports, and hanging with his friends, so I am alone at home most of the time.
When I “retired” in 2015, I was looking forward to being home, and to be able to write without any time restraints. That same year we left the hectic city life that was Raleigh, NC and moved up to a farmstead just outside Grand Forks, it was just what I needed. I’d been battling anxiety which was steadily worsening and meds were not helping. With wide open spaces, I felt I was finally able to breathe.
Nearly four years later, anxiety is almost non-existent but depression is starting to take over my life. I mean, I am only in my 40s, and I feel I still have much to live for.
Everything that has happened to me, all the crap I went through, and the losses I’ve experienced, and they all come down to this—me, sitting at home, alone with just my laptop and nine cats.
I write, a lot. I interact with people via internet. But, I want more. I want to get back out into the world. I no longer want to hide and be left behind.
But, I am hampered with limitations of all kinds.
I don’t drive. There is public transportation but it’s limited to certain days and to certain places (none of where I’d love to go).
In the time I’ve lived here, I haven’t been able to establish any real friendships within the community (they tend to be quite “clicky” when it comes to “outsiders”).
Yet, with my hubby and son who practically can fend for themselves, I have no limit as to what I can do and where to go as far as time and availability. How do I narrow the chasm and break through to the other side?
As I sit here typing, there is a window next to the desk where I can watch birds pecking away on a pile of seeds my guys threw down weeks earlier, I am struck by how free they are to fly wherever they want yet they are limited. Limited by weather conditions and availability of food. These two determine where and when they fly. These limitations though do not seem to affect their attitude as they sing and flitter to and fro. Why? They take what they have in whatever condition things are and fly and sing anyway.
Yes, they have limitations but these do not stop them from being birds who still find ways to fly and sing to their little heart’s desire.
I want to do the same.
So, I will start with what I have and where I am at, and go from there. It’s time that I fly free regardless of my current limitations, and see where the sky leads me.
Wonder #Poetry
These feet
Stumble up the white
Mountain
My eyes
Teardrops like icepicks
Stabbing
This heart
No heat will ever
Unfreeze
Until
A song I hear in
The wind
Blue bird
So vocal and strong
Nestled
In the
Majestic black spruce
Teeming
Winter
Cannot stop a life
This small
Its eyes
Sparkle like a soul
On fire
Nature
In its truest form
Can heal
Broken
Hearts and shattered lives
–like mine
Voice #Poetry
*Note: still a work in progress
Just because
You don’t do certain
Things well, you know
Like the rest of them
Does not
Leave you without a say
Feeling inferior
Caused by others
Tends to leave one feeling,
Well, like a dung beetle
Makes you
Wonder if what you say
ever matters
From one
Outsider to another,
Hear me
I say–
Release the dam
And let it flow
Freely
Those who thirst
Will drink every word
gladly
Your voice
-Its uniqueness-
Is power
Let it fly free
And be heard
Urn #Poetry
There is a box
Mother keeps close
Next to her bed
Half of her heart
Now in ashes
Love of her life
If possible
I’d give her my
Splintered portion
Daddy, you were
Gone way too soon
An angel you
Keep watch o’er us
Amongst all the
Other souls who
Once filled our lives
Life may only
Be teardrops in
The pouring rain
But you’re the sun
Waiting to break
Thru the gray clouds
Tho I can’t see
I can feel your
Love shining down
And that alone
Will be enough
‘Till we meet on–
That golden shore
This poem is for my Daddy who passed much too soon
Time #Poetry
You wait for no one
You are no one’s friend
On and on you move
With no regards for any
Yet…
You’re the game-changer,
Healer, sage, shaman
Continuously
Recording all that passes
Without you…
We’d be dust in the wind
Scars #Poetry
We all have them
Seen, unseen
No one’s untouched
Life’s no one’s friend
Embattled
You will survive
Our bodies may
Be riddled
With crushing fears
Remember this,
You’re never
Alone, fight on
Embrace the scars
They are the
Light for the lost
Radio #Haiku
Air waves brush the clouds
Vibes raining down on the horde
My life in a box
Quiet #Poetry
I stand in a forest
Among the skinny, fat bodies
As far as the eyes can see
The lush canopy over me
Swaying to and fro
Like a brush to the green sky
My fingers run over the brown bark
By its humming warmth, the tips tingle
Radiating to my heart, soul
I’m alive, I’m alive
I leave behind a world
So full of chaos and noise
Overwhelming me with darkness
Among the trees, there is a
Calmness surpassing all that
Man could ever offer
Here, peace comes naturally
Every sound vibrant and real
Quickening the dead within
Why would I ever go back?
