Writing: Using Fears as Your Compass

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Gabriela Pereira: “Share an example of when resistance has pointed you toward a writing project that was juicy and high-stakes… and maybe even a little bit scary. Did you face that fear head-on and overcome your resistance? What was the result of pursuing (or not pursuing) that project?”

 

This is a tough one.  I’ve encountered a lot of resistance to a lot of things for many reasons in my life.

Where to even begin?

There’s resistance due to having disabilities, and feeling inferior in that I don’t feel I will ever amount to anything.

There’s resistance due to experiencing verbal and emotional abuse as a girl, and then some as an adult, and along comes the feeling of not being good enough for anything or anyone.

These usually result in self-sabotaging myself so instead of succeeding in life, I end up failing or being bypassed for  career opportunities.

 I deserve to fail or to be ridiculed or be talked down.  I don’t deserve that promotion, or I’m not good enough or I’ll fail miserably at it.  So, why bother?  Who cares? 

A typical mantra I kept repeating and believing in.

And what did I end up with?

A lifetime of regrets.

Of what-ifs.

I could play the blame game, or a victim, but I won’t.

There are things I want to share with my readers, to let out, but I don’t want to hurt certain loved ones.  So, I thought about writing certain experiences in my fictional stories in hope that it will provide the cathartic healing that my soul yearns for.

So, I wrote dark poetry, and dark flash stories.  I journaled in notebooks now hidden away.  And as the years melted away, some of the pain from the past went along with them.

Now, I’m hoping to write my first book, and already I’m hit with fears and the feelings of inadequacy.  Why?  The book is a romance story with bits of comedy…what do I have to be afraid of?

That I want to be an author?  That I desire to be traditionally published?

That I want to be–successful?

Then an idea hit me.

Why don’t I write in certain subplots that involve abuse in relation to PTSD by using my own personal childhood and adulthood experiences?

Yeah, I think this might just work.

Stay tuned….

 

 

I Fear I’ll Never Publish a Book

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This month’s question:  Win or not, do you usually finish your NaNo project? Have any of them gone on to be published?

 

 

I’ve participated in NaNo nearly every year since 2008, and I will do so again this year.   I won twice, first time in 2008, which was the most complete first (and only) draft I’ve written.   It’s an apocalypse-science fiction story I titled Hope Falls.  It’s to be the first book in a series.  I believe it has promise only that…

It’s still sitting on my hard drive (have a binder with printed pages as well–somewhere).

I love to see it published.

Why haven’t I done it yet?  I mean, it’s only been NINE years.

Honestly, the editing/revision part scares the crap out of me.

Shorter works I can handle.  Just not sure how I’d handle a book-length editing process.

I feel like a wuss.

A coward.

And I’m worried.  Really worried.  If I’m this frighten over one manuscript why would it be any different with another?

Am I a lost cause?  Can I break this rut I’m in?

I’m a published writer in that I have short fiction and poetry published in multiple zines (both online and print).  My next goal is to be a published author.

I fear that dream may never come true.

 

 

Writers and Fears

write what disturbs you

 

This is probably one of the most difficult part about being a writer.  Revealing your vulnerabilities and fears to others.   This is also a reason why most of us never truly reach our potential because of these fears.

I am one of them.

How do we break through the barriers that our fears place around us?

How???

What about you?  Are your fears holding you back?

If so, what are you going to do about them?

Dreams

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” -Nelson Mandela

What Do You Fear Most As a Writer? (Poll)

 

 

“Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins.” -Charles Stanley

A Step Forward (Hopefully)

steps

 

Just a quick post to let my faithful readers know that I’m going out-of-town next week, and to expect the next new post to come by June 15th.

This trip is NOT a vacation; it’s something that I’ve been “dreading” to do and have already postponed it once.  It’s a step forward for me as I’m attempting to face some of my fears head on in regards to my progressive vision loss.

I hope to share more on this when I return.

Happy writing (and reading) everyone!

 

Do You Let Your Fears Stop You?

As writers and on a personal level, we all have fears.  But, there are some that stop us right in our tracks.

Derailing everything.

How do you usually handle your fears?

 

 

I love to say that I tend to face my fears head-on; but, for the past decade, I’ve been running from them.

As the result, I’m now battling with anxiety issues and am becoming more and more reclusive.

What happened to me?  I’m puzzled, honestly.  I used to have no problem getting out and about.  Now, I’m growing petrified even thinking about stepping out of my house.

I feel like such a coward.