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Gabriela Pereira: “Share an example of when resistance has pointed you toward a writing project that was juicy and high-stakes… and maybe even a little bit scary. Did you face that fear head-on and overcome your resistance? What was the result of pursuing (or not pursuing) that project?”
This is a tough one. I’ve encountered a lot of resistance to a lot of things for many reasons in my life.
Where to even begin?
There’s resistance due to having disabilities, and feeling inferior in that I don’t feel I will ever amount to anything.
There’s resistance due to experiencing verbal and emotional abuse as a girl, and then some as an adult, and along comes the feeling of not being good enough for anything or anyone.
These usually result in self-sabotaging myself so instead of succeeding in life, I end up failing or being bypassed for career opportunities.
I deserve to fail or to be ridiculed or be talked down. I don’t deserve that promotion, or I’m not good enough or I’ll fail miserably at it. So, why bother? Who cares?
A typical mantra I kept repeating and believing in.
And what did I end up with?
A lifetime of regrets.
I could play the blame game, or a victim, but I won’t.
There are things I want to share with my readers, to let out, but I don’t want to hurt certain loved ones. So, I thought about writing certain experiences in my fictional stories in hope that it will provide the cathartic healing that my soul yearns for.
So, I wrote dark poetry, and dark flash stories. I journaled in notebooks now hidden away. And as the years melted away, some of the pain from the past went along with them.
Now, I’m hoping to write my first book, and already I’m hit with fears and the feelings of inadequacy. Why? The book is a romance story with bits of comedy…what do I have to be afraid of?
That I want to be an author? That I desire to be traditionally published?
That I want to be–successful?
Then an idea hit me.
Why don’t I write in certain subplots that involve abuse in relation to PTSD by using my own personal childhood and adulthood experiences?
Yeah, I think this might just work.